For those of us who are still holding on to hope that the Birds can make a charge towards the playoffs, this has been a great week(minus the last two nights after this was written). For those who(won’t mention any names) think the Orioles made a huge mistake by not unloading at the trade deadline, this five game win streak has been a mere mirage to distract the delusional from the inevitable fate of the team. I’ll just say this ; As I’m heading to the yard tonight I’m happy that I still get to watch Manny, Adam and Zach play for the good guys. This may be shortsighted but with our commander in chief stearing us towards a potential nuclear war, this might be the last season of baseball any of us get to see and if I’m about to be blown to smithereens, I’d like to see one last playoff push. Also, say what you want about the Tim Beckham trade but personally there are few things that bring me more joy than a bat flip after hitting a single up the middle, so I’m happy. Make baseball fun again. The birds certainly added more swag.
With football season quickly approaching I would propose that the Ravens cancel the rest of training camp, forfeit all of the preseason games, make sure all of the players do not leave their bedrooms for the next month and reconvene at 1pm on September 10th in Cinci. Players are dropping like Under Armour stock. There are few things as a football team or fan more disheartening than serious, potentially season ending injuries happening in practice or meaningless games. Losing Pitta, Tavon Young and Kenneth Dixon(plus many more) just flat out stinks. I was excited to watch Tavon Young progress this year after showing beastly flashes last year . Kenneth Dixon was another guy I was looking forward to watching this year especially because he was roiding in the offseason so he was definitely going to improve drastically. Preseason injuries are like sharting in the car on your way to your first day at your new job. It happens, there is nothing you can do about it because you’re almost there, but it seems like it should have been avoidable and leaves you in a sticky situation.
Ok, so, who else is tired of the Colin Kaepernick to the Ravens talk? Either sign him or don’t. The truth is, if Joe is hurt for an extended period of time then the Ravens are boned no matter what. But, can we please stop a few things? Can all you lying morons out there please stop threatening that you are going to stop being a Ravens fan if they sign Kaep. First of all, no you’re not. Second of all, no-one cares if 51- year- old contractor, John from Linthicum isn’t going to be a Ravens’ fan anymore. The stadium will still sell out without you and everyone from your section will breathe a huge sigh of relief because I guarantee you are the same turd who starts booing after the first offensive series because, “Joe sucks. What is Matt Cavanaugh callin dem plays?” The only people that will be upset about your decision are your wife and kids because that’s one more day of the week they have to spend with your miserable ass. Also, can Steve Bisciotti stop saying absurd things like, “We’re very sensitive to it, and we’re monitoring it, and we’re still, as Ozzie says, scrimmaging it, and we’re trying to figure out what’s the right tact. So pray for us.” No I will not pray for a billionaire to make a minor business decision about possible signing a guy that will hopefully never play. What an absurd request. If I’m going to waste my time praying I’d like to at least spend it on something worthwhile like praying for a study to come out confirming Skoal is actually healthier than flossing. I like Bisciotti for the most part but come on, man. I can see John from Linthicum getting his kids together before bed and making them all kneel down in the living room under his “All lives matter,” poster with the lights dimmed holding hands in a circle, “Please Lord almighty, creator of the greatest country in the world, give our Ravens’ organization the wisdom and courage to not give that giant afro wearing, police and America hating, tattoo ridden kneeling rat a place on our otherwise immaculate, God fearing roster of men including Mr. Sizzle who was nice enough to wash his wife off with bleach. In Jesus’ name we pray, God bless America and no place else.”