So, that’s a wrap on the NFL season. I’m sure you all watched the game so there is really no point in me discussing it. I won a very small amount of money so I guess it turned out the way I wanted it to. Blah Blah Blah. Eagles won…Patriots lost….cool. Justin Timberlake did the halftime show and Pink sang the National Anthem. Tony Dungy and whole bunch of Eagles gave all the glory for their hard work and perseverance to an entity that had nothing to do with any of it. Philly fans set some shit on fire and broke into Macy’s. Gronk got naked and chugged light beer after the game. Darrell Green fittingly delivered the Lombardi Trophy to the Eagles? I was too drunk to remember any of the commercials. People who get excited for commercials during the Super Bowl are solely responsible for poor people not being able to afford a good steak. I would know. I can’t afford a good steak. Nick Foles has a nickname that every man is envious of. He now has a big ring and a big thing. I’d prefer the nickname to a Super Bowl ring any day of the week. Except Sunday, because that is the Lord’s day and walking into church with his nickname is slightly disrespectful. No one has a bigger one than Jesus. They call me BSF. Big Stink Fink. While I’m slightly proud of it, I’d still prefer Nick’s nickname. But, I’m sure my ex girlfriends and random ladies of the night would do interviews with the New York Times refuting any truth to that. My current girlfriend would lie and say it’s true just because that’s the protocol. She’s a champ. Not a Super Bowl type champ but more of the type of champ that is really good at settling with and praising mediocrity. The reverse touchdown pass to MVP, BDN was an enjoyable play to watch. Tom Brady not catching the pass intended for him was more enjoyable. Failure is more human than success and if anyone represents the average human struggle, it’s Tom Brady. You have to wonder if the absence of Alex Guerrero (Tom Brady’s body Guru) had a lot to do with Tom not catching that pass. Furthermore, you have to wonder if Malcolm Butler not playing had something to do with Tom Brady not catching that pass, which, in turn is because Alex Guerrero wasn’t allowed around the team. Even furthermore than that, you have to wonder if Malcolm Butler not playing, Tom Brady not catching that pass and all of the Patriots’ coaches leaving to be head coaches of other teams, therefore not being focused for the game, resulting in a loss, had something to do with Alex Guerrero not being around the team. And if you really want to dig deep you have to wonder if God was mad because he is friends with Guerrero and Butler therefore gave Nick Foles a big thing and allowed the Eagles to win their first Super Bowl. I’m not saying that any of this is for sure, but you just can’t help but wonder. And there you have my Super Bowl recap. But I’m sure you all already thought of all of this because, just like everyone in the World besides butt hurt anthem truthers, you watched the game too.
Ok, moving on.
Ray Lewis, to no one’s surprise, is headed to Canton as a first ballot hall of famer. If you haven’t listened to last week’s podcast, which I’m sure you have, I’d highly recommend going back and listening to my segment and if you have any extra time, listen to the interview with Ray Lewis. Ray is my all time favorite athlete and it was such an awesome privilege to be able to watch him play every week. I’d say I was blessed but in reality I won the birth lottery and was born to parents who just so happened to live in the city that Ray Lewis would soon grace with his presence. I was lucky enough to be born into a family that could afford season tickets to the Ravens and a TV. But, in all seriousness, from the age of 8-25 there were few things that I got more excited for than watching Ray Lewis play football. I remember feeling devastated the few times he was injured and couldn’t suit up. When he made a play I felt a sense of excitement and pride that no other athlete has made me feel. My favorite all time Ray Lewis play was in Tennessee during the AFC divisional round in the 2000 playoffs. Everyone knows what play I’m talking about. The Ravens up 7 in the fourth quarter, Titans with the ball. McNair throws a pass to Eddie George out in the flat and he bobbles it slightly and before he even knows what is happening, Ray is ripping the ball out of his hands and doing the Ray Lewis signature balls of his feet gallop down the sideline into the end zone to ice the game and send the Ravens to Oakland for the AFC Championship. I’ve watched that play probably 2,000 times and never fail to get goose bumps. I remember being at my Uncle Ray’s house (he was the first one in the family to get a big screen TV) watching with my fanatical family and jumping on my Dad’s back as Ray crossed the goal line as we all went nuts. There are countless Ray moments that I’ll never forget. A lot of people don’t quite understand why sports fans get so excited for a game that they have no control over and I understand as an outsider, that might be hard to wrap your head around. But the truth is, sports, and Ray Lewis specifically have given me the some of the greatest memories of my life, whether it was jumping on my Dad’s back or going nuts in a New York bar full of Ravens’ fans when Ray crushed Dustin Keller over the middle to seal the deal on the Monday night opener against the Jets in 2010, and lastly going to New Orleans with my best friends and having the time of our life culminating in the Ravens’ second Super Bowl win as Ray ended his brilliant career on top. This is the shit I’ll never forget. I’ll be on my death bed, slobbering, trying to eat jello, hitting on the poor hospice nurse, not even knowing my kids’ names but daydreaming about Ray Lewis chasing down Tiki Barber in Super Bowl 35, like a cheetah who has been suffering through a famine. Thanks, Ray. Maybe one day when we both are rich and retired we can sit on my yacht and reminisce about your playing days and my blogging days. Just two legends being dudes. Puffin on cigars and sipping something nice. Feeling mellow. Reveling in the satisfaction that our legacies will live on forever.
If anyone can get this to Ray to read I think it would go a long way in assuring that the yacht day will become a reality. Thanks in advance. If you are the one who sets this up, I’ll maybe even let you drive my boat, just like Dwight on the “Booze Cruise,” episode of ‘ The Office’.
Just to let everyone know, when Jerry Coleman comes to my place of work to pick up his free soup, he parks in the handicap spot. That’s right, he’s that guy. I’m sure most of you won’t be that surprised, I mean, hell, remember the shit fit he threw when the Ravens made him park, “miles,” away from the stadium. We have a gentleman that literally comes in every day who can hardly stand up, let alone walk, and Jerry parks in the lone handicap spot leaving this man to cheat death by walking down an icy set of stairs. Obviously, Jerry is a mega-star in Baltimore and that should and does come with it’s perks but damn, Coleman, WTF. You can’t walk 20 yards to get your free soup. I mean, I could see if you had to go through the inconvenience of paying for the soup, you might be salty enough to not want to walk. I bet Rob Long wouldn’t park in the handicap spot. Ed Norris would but then would claim that Martin O’Malley framed him.
Type to you guys and gals next week. Thanks, as always, for reading.